Scare Yourself

A quote that has always resonated with me ever since I heard it was by Eleanor Roosevelt, where she says to “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

I’ve always been guided by my anxieties and fears. I wasn’t the shyest kid around, but I also was never the first one to jump into a room full of strangers. I’m definitely an introvert equipped with many…many insecurities.

Upon looking back at my life, whenever I had to face what I thought was an impossible task for me, and actually do it. I start to realize that it actually wasn’t that scary, and lo and behold I’ve become stronger for doing it.

The first time life really freaked me out, was when my mom involuntary signed me up for summer camp. I had no other friends going, this camp was a couple of hours away from home, and it was ten days long. I immediately told her that I absolutely was not attending this camp, and she coerced me by some mom voodoo magic. All I remember was begrudgingly complying and before you knew it I was on this bus to, what I was sure of, was hell. The bus ride was a couple hours long, and aside from a camp leader, nobody else bothered to talk to me or sit near me. It seemed like everyone knew everyone, and I was the odd one out. I even remember entering my cabin and hiding back tears.

You know what? I was the odd one out. All the other girls in my cabin were friends from previous years. There were a couple of new kids, but I was the only new girl. I hated it for a couple of days. I hated playing these games with kids I barely knew, and doing things I’ve never done before. But I made friends, and I actually started to find things I enjoyed and looked forward too. Jumping in the lake at seven in the morning doesn’t seem fun but it was this fun little ritual we all had to suffer though. Canoeing, kayaking, camping in the woods, archery, rock climbing and even sitting by the fire and singing camp songs, were all things I’ve never experienced living in the city, but I found out I actually really really enjoy. (My mother can’t know I actually had fun k?)

After the ten days, I was actually really sad that it was all over but I was glad to get home. I look back on these camp memories with fondness, and remember the fun and innocence of being a child. They are memories I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I feel like this a fundamental thing I’ve always had in my head, but haven’t actually applied to my life as much as I want to. I know that I can’t let fear hinder me from doing what I need and want to do. I know I can’t let my anxiety get the best of me, because I know that there is a world of experiences and life I want to go out and live. Sometimes my mom, or anyone isn’t out there to help push me, and I have to push myself.

So this is a reminder to myself. I’m telling myself that it’s ok to be scared shitless sometimes. I need to pursue that career I’ve always dreamed about. To talk to people, and to not be afraid of who I’ am. To stop pretending that I have it all together, and ask for help when I need it. To want what I want and not be ashamed of it. To fail and to actually start living a life worth living.