The older I
get the more I realize how important it is for me to be self aware, and growing
to be more self aware. It’s something I really want to make serious strides in,
and I’d love to get on some Buddah level or something.
When I was
younger and a lot more immature (not that I’m mature now or anything), I kept
wishing in a way that everyone around me was the way I wanted them to be (even
though I would have never admitted to it back then). Over the past year, I’ve
realized more than ever that I can’t let other people determine my attitude. I’m
responsible for myself, how I act, how I respond, and how I choose to live my
everyday.
It takes a
whole lot of humble, to take a step back and look at your own actions and realize
that there are parts of yourself you desperately need to change. I suck at
staying positive (I might just accept the fact that I’m a pessimist), and I
hate how materialistic I am (my bank balance can vouch for that). But it also
takes a whole lot of confidence and self esteem to realize the parts of
yourself that you love and wouldn’t want to change. Which… both (confidence
& self esteem) are now put on my list of things I need to work on, because
I’m lying here typing and can’t think of one darn good thing I wouldn’t want to
change.
Not that I
believe the only way to grow is by reading self help books, but I definitely feel
like it could aid in my pursuit. If you know me and my reading habits, it’s
that I can never finish a self book… and I mean I’ve tried em all. 7 Habits,
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and even the Life Changing Magic of Tiding up. I
just can’t seem to finish any of them. I feel as if I already get the point
after three or four chapters. I mean…clean up it’ll make you happier. I get it.
But do I? Eh.
I’m sure I’m
not the only one who learns best from experience. With every crappy job,
argument, vacation, day, encounter etc. I know it’s the best opportunity to
learn something about myself that I never knew the day before.
I see the
Mariah I am today, and I’m proud of how far she’s come. But I also see the
future me and who I want to become someday. Self discovery is a beautiful and
wonderful thing.
