Commitment

Stay committed until the end.

Acts 20:24 - But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

It's so important to stay committed, to my responsibilities, my career, in my relationship with Edward and the Lord. It's so easy to quit when things are hard, but to stay committed until the very end and to hear God say, "Good job, my good and faithful servant," to have my future marriage with Edward beat the divorce odds and thrive and grow in love, to see my family and church family grow more in love with God and staying committed with joy to finish this race, would be worth every single trial.

You may not see what you want now, but stay true, stay faithful, stay committed and finish the race God has called you too...It's all worth it. 

Response

I once read a quote online that says, "You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you react." I'm not too sure who said it, but I know it's a quote that has resonated with me ever since.

There's a lot of things in this crazy world that can bother you. It be a certain crappy situation or even when somebody does or says something that hurts you. I've realized that you can look at all these negatives and be grumpy and angry about it for the rest of your life, or reframe, think differently and stay positive. I want to be the kind of person who chooses the latter every time.

Something I've also realized that is so important when we respond to people especially, is to always think the best and see the best in people. I remember getting into arguments with friends/family/the fiancé, and seeing that I could of either avoided them or softened the blow of them significantly if I just saw the best in people every time. It's so easy to say, "that person doesn't care about me because they're constantly late" and thus get upset because your feelings were hurt, when in actuality them being late has absolutely nothing to do with you. They love you and they care about you, they just seriously have issues with their tardiness and don't have any intention of hurting you. This is a weird example, but you know what I mean. Don't always assume the worst when somebody hurts you.

Think the best, see the best and understand people. It would go a long way. 

It's happened to me... when I was tired or angry at someone else and I've snapped at people. I didn't have any intention of hurting you, but I did. It happens, I fail. Not one of us is perfect. We will all eventually fail, hurt one another, mess up... but let's just love and forgive one another. See the best in one another. Instead of saying "that person is poison, she's no good...I don't want to be her friend anymore." Be humble enough to say... you know what... I'm not going to respond with hate... I know that person is not evil, I've seen the good in her...I choose to forgive and love her.

There is always another way to respond, so choose love every time. 

Fuelled By Love

Let all that you do be done with love - 1 Corinthians 16:14

On Sunday night I attended a Jesus Culture worship night event and the preacher spoke about how some of us get stuck in this routine when serving God, we try to check all these boxes because it's what we "think" Christianity looks like. We would go to church, we read the bible for x amount of minutes or hours a day, and we just focus on the the "do," but don't realize that we should do it through Christ.

I volunteer every single week for the Church and even more so when certain events come up that need help in. It can get so easy to get stuck in this routine and feeling like I just HAVE to do this or else I'm not a "good" Christian. My heart was definitely convicted of this that night and God just ignited that fire and reminded me again of how much He loves me. I always know God loves me, I mean you hear it every single Sunday, but when God breathes on His word and breathes into you and you encounter His presence...I'm blown away. I know I'll never be the same.

God loves me so much. It's more than I can fathom and it's more than I can even comprehend. I don't know why He loves me as much as He does... I just know that He loves me. Suddenly... worship band practice on Friday nights don't become about routine or something I grudgingly "sacrifice" time for...It's because I just love Him. He loved me first...and I'm simply responding to His great love for me.

I focus too much on "omg what am I going to do?" and stress about the things I'm doing but I just need to breathe, take a step back and work with God and work things through Christ who gives me strength.

With this new revelation that the Lord has shown to me, I can feel a shift in the way I lead the rest of my life. God is going to accomplish and do what He said He will do, He just wants us to come along and work with Him.

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God, I know that you have an amazing plan for me and You have this amazing plan to restore this lost  and broken world and restore your glory here on earth. I want to just work with you... be apart of what you're doing here on earth. I want to see your kingdom in heaven come down here on earth, and God I want to see Your glory. Thank you Lord for constantly moulding my heart and teaching me new things. Let all that I do be in love. Let the way I live, the way I speak and the way I treat others be in love. With the love that you first have shown to me. Help me to share Your love with everyone I enounter and change atmospheres by carrying Your presence with me wherever I go.  Thank You Lord for breathing life into my soul once again and igniting the fire in my Heart.

Though It Feels Eternal

Life is unpredictable, 

It changes with the seasons, 

Even your coldest winter, 

happens for the best of reasons, 

And though it feels eternal, 

Like all you’ll ever do is freeze, 

I promise spring is coming, 

And with it, brand new leaves

~e.h

I Don't Know

You know... I really don't know. I don't know how I'm going to pay my next bill. I don't know what my tomorrow would look like and as I lay in my bed depressed and saddened that my life didn't "look" the way I wanted...I felt hopeless. I started to pray and God immediately began to remind me in my heart of who He is and His word.

Philippians 1:6  - Being confident in this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

2 Samuel 7:28 - And now, O Lord God, You are my God, and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to your servant.

NTS: Just remember that God will never leave you. Trust in who He says He is. His words are true. Declare it everyday that God is good all the time and His plans for you are always for your good. Trust in Him even though you don't see the promise yet. It will be ok... It will be more than ok. It will be amazing.

Waiting

1 Corinthians 13:4
Love suffers long

God is taking me on this journey and through this season of waiting. It's honestly been one of the hardest seasons I've ever had to ensure (but I feel like I would say that every time I'm going through a difficult season). Learning how to wait to marry E, for that perfect job, for my dream. It's been rough. I know we can all relate to wanting things so bad it feels like torture having to wait for them. God not only wants me to learn how to wait on His timing, but He wants me to wait in peace and with true patience. Waiting while complaining and moaning about life definitely isn't what He wants me to learn. To be the woman who can wait and still smile and see the good in everything I don't have everything I want yet and that's ok.

I need to learn how to be ok with whatever God gives me and see the beauty in the world around me every single day.

Thank You God for your love and your kindness. Thank you God for everything you have done for me and everything I know you are doing for me. Help me to see that the plans you have for me are even greater than I can ever imagine. Help me to see the beauty in all that You are 


1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
Pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you

Psalms 34:1
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. 

NTS: There's just so much to be happy about and so much to be grateful about. Thank Jesus everyday and learn to be grateful and appreciate everything He Has blessed you with. Be positive, be kind and stop complaining about what you don't have. Focus on Jesus, keep your eyes on Jesus even when the waves are crashing all around you. Seek Him first and go after God's heart. Everything else will be added unto you

Sketchy Job Interviews and A Guy Named Fred

I had a job interview today for a receptionist/office administration position near jane and finch. If you're not from the GTA you won't understand the stigma associated with this part of the city. I thought, "hey a jobs a job...I need professional office experience. The two hour bus ride will definitely be worth it."

The interview was at 2pm for blahblah company. I'm feeling super anxious already because interviews do that to me, and I've never traveled this far from home on my own in a very unfamiliar area. I arrived about an hour early, even though I had gotten a little lost on the way there (thank goodness for googlemaps and smartphones). I arrived on an industrial street and I passed by a couple workers in their garage, some men in jumpsuits, but nobody that looked like me. A girl in her professional blazer and black dress pumps. While I was walking, I was surprised to pass by an Italian bakery. It was really run down and could use a major makeover, but nonetheless I was super early and there was no Tim Hortons or coffee shop nearby so I decided to walk in. I wasn't greeted very kindly, everyone from the shop keepers to the guests at the tables were minding there own business. The customer's looked like general labour workers getting some food for a lunch break. I purchased an apple turnover with a bottle of water, sat down, and tried to ignore the weird looks I received.

As I waited there in the little bakery, eating my (super sweet btw) apple turnover. It started to rain, and I don't mean trickle...I mean rain. I still had about a fifteen minute walk from this bakery and I had no umbrella... I would be going into this interview soaking wet. Maybe the rain will let up? I thought to myself. Well no..no it didn't. I'm standing at the doorway of the bakery thinking maybe I could borrow an umbrella from the shop keeper... it is a family owned business, they would be nice to me wouldn't they? An old man interrupts my worried thoughts and makes small talk with me about the weather. I end up saying, "Yah...I'm going to have to walk though this rain. I forgot an umbrella." He then asks me where I'm going and I tell him 168 Oakblah Road. He offers me a ride down the street and even though thoughts of dying and getting kidnapped enter my mind, walking in the pouring rain and getting soaked for an interview definitely doesn't sound great either. I enter his car and he tells me his name is Fred and he works at a company a couple blocks down. I tell him all about my issue with finding a job and the upcoming interview. During this whole conversation I'm thinking to myself, if he tries to kidnap me i'll punch him in the face and run. I can run...I run all the time at the gym. yah? you can do this mariah. don't be afraid. I try not to think the worst of people around me but at the same time I know I shouldn't be naive and ignorant and place myself readily in danger. Anyways, he turns out to be a super sweet old man who genuinely wants to help me. He doesn't kidnap me (thank God!) and I have arrived at the plaza.

I enter the plaza and I see the exact address I was told to go to, but I don't see the company name listed anywhere. I ask a strange man where I can find unit number 9 and he tells me that I may need to go down the hall, through these doors, and down the next hall. The first hall im in already looks freaky af. It's dark and it's super ghetto. The place looks so run down and deserted. I end up finding unit #9 and there's no sign outside and the door looks like its a push away from falling down. I'm in a deserted hallway...I swear if I screamed nobody would hear me. It just doesn't look right. I end up leaving the hallway because I'm genuinely afraid for my safety and I called the number in the email. It wasn't Amanda (the girl I spoke to through e-mail), but it was a man with a heavy middle eastern accent. He seems surprised at my call and genuinely confused, but he still agrees to meet me. I tell him I can't find the unit and he tells me he will come pick me up. I'm afraid. I'm a little 5'1 petite asian girl. I'm easy meat to snatch up. I'm in this dark run down plaza. Edward googles the number and finds out it isn't even a registered business, and the email is through yahoo.com. He tells me if I'm feeling afraid I should just leave.

So I leave.

I travel to Edward's work, which only takes about an hour (thank God, I don't have to travel all the way back home) and we eat some ramen together and I recount this weird day to him.