"Not good enough"

I hate not feeling good enough.  I know it’s a mind game I must struggle with and overcome, but I hate it. I hate jealously. I hate insecurity. I hate how my mind wanders, and doesn’t care about what I know to be true. I just hate…hate not feeling good enough.

Bullet Journaling

In a desperate need to stay on top of all my tasks, ease my anxiety, and be more productive with my life, I've decided to pick up bullet journaling. Like all of my ideas and whims, this all started with one youtube video. I loved the idea of a personal, quick way to organize my life. The more videos I watched, the more I began to get overwhelmed with the intricate designs some people use in their journals. But I think I'll stick more to the original method bullet journaling uses, because I know I'd personally get overwhelmed with all the art and designs.

I'm the type of person that needs to write things out whenever I feel a bit overwhelmed or anxious. I picked up a journal, and at first was nervous to start writing in it, but after my first mistake in the book, all the pressure was off and I actually started using the book.

Here's to hoping that this method of journaling actually sticks, increases my productivity, and helps keep all my anxiety at bay.

Listen

Because I guess I’m on this “quotes that have changed my life” burst, another quote that has always spoken to me was “The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” – Ram Dass. I obviously don’t know who Ram Dass is, but I remember watching this TV show as a kid (because television is where I have acquired most of my knowledge) and seeing this monk who took a vow of silence. There was a particular character who was obsessed with figuring out why the monk was so silent, and I’m not sure how they segued into this quote, but it left an imprint on my brain forever.

I’ve just always felt like I talked way too much, and I always regret not taking the time to listen more to the people around me…and I mean actually listen. There were probably some amazing stories I’ve missed out on, ways to get to know my friends and family better, and fights that maybe didn’t need to be fought.

I’m doing my best to be the person that listens. You know, the kind that can make you feel like you’re the only one important even in a crowded room. In all honestly, I love being heard myself so I want to strive to hear other people too.

Since I’ve started this whole “listen more” journey, I’ve heard some of the most amazing stories of my life. Have been there for my friends more than I was, and have become more compassionate and overall less angry towards other people. People will amaze you, and I continue to be amazed by the people around me everyday. I love stories about overcoming hardships, stories about their family, friendships, and love. I love understanding why people do what they do, and what made them the person they are today. I love compassion and kindness, and seeing people smile when you take the time to listen. 

Here’s a reminder to myself; to love people, just as God does, and to take the time to listen and understand. God, I want to hear more.